Jan 13, 2010


I don't quite know why I'm happy today but maybe because I started my study drug yesterday and I have high hopes for it making me feel better for awhile at least. I found out my belly was swelling because my liver is failing. It's quite painful when the doctors don't want to do anything for it. I just lay in bed all the time. I'm just waiting until these meds kick in so it helps. Decided to post up some pictures on what it looks like. Most people just say "hey Amanda now you look like me" but for those of you that know me.......this is about double in size and trust me it is. It's an extra 8 lbs and it hurts. Well mom here is the closest you'll get to me being pregnant...hehe. That's what I would look like, no thanks.

My doctor reassured me that this drug is only a temporary fix and it's only a matter of time before it doesn't work anymore. I talked with my father for awhile yesterday and my doctor and I think I'm going to start the process to get myself medically retired. I still have to talk to a few people about benefits side to see if it's the absolute best option but overall I think it will be the decision. I haven't told my chain of command yet and I'm not until I make my final decision, so those of you that read this and know my chain of command do not open your mouth because this is not final yet, thank you. I have to say that because it seems I've already had a problem with people going behind my back and doing things that I don't approve of because you didn't talk to me first. If I do decide this, my doc says it can take 6 months so I'll still be here for awhile. It's just kind of hard to justify staying away from family to be at work when I started dying last week. I know my work is like family but they can't fully wrap their head around what's going on. I mean, still expecting me to be at work? Really?! I'm having to take leave just because I can't be there because of what I'm going through.
I know I'm blabbing, sorry, just wanted to give a good update. I don't go back to UCLA until next Sun. I get readmitted then for another 3 1/2 days and then off to hopefully a normal life:)

1 comment:

  1. Ugh. That looks so painful. If you medically retire, when you kick this cancer's ass, will there be any way to get back in? Just thinking ahead. ;-)

    I totally agree with you. If you're in pain and certainly this is causing mobility issues, you shouldn't be required to show up at work. They should understand. This is what sick leave is for.