WOW it's been to long since I lasted posted sorry. I have been feeling horrible over the last week. I started running a high fever while I was down in San Diego and along with that came vomiting and a need for a lot of rest. That's what I've been doing since I got back. My liver has starting causing me a lot of pain again so I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to get it to go down and trust me it's things you guys don't want to hear about. My Naturopath recommended other things to do that I was just like "are you serious" but now, I'm doing it. My diet has been spot on and I feel great since I got back on track. I also have been eating quite a bit of dairy to keep my weight up so I don't look like a freak:)

I had some of my girlfriends over last night, they cooked me dinner and we all sat and watched movies all night. I had so much fun. Today, I got my roommate to go to church with me and he got to experience what I do every week and he loved it. I knew my pastor was great, I think I even seen some tears come to his eyes too (but don't tell him that). Thank you John and Sarah for introducing me to a great teacher of God, and a church that gives so much love to everyone that walks through the doors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/research/23trial.html?em

This article Rudy happened to stumble upon in Starbucks last week. He asked me if it was the study drug I was on. Well people here it is. The article was posted in the NY Times and is actually a 3 day article. If you would like to read all 3 articles your more than welcome to, you just have to search for the other 2 but one should be enough. They have actually changed the name of it but everyone still knows it by this name. As you can tell by reading it that it does seem like a miracle drug but they are so stuck on where to go now because a lot of people have relapsed after a matter of time and they don't know why. Positive thinking.

Oh, I find out results of scans this week and start my new cycle of treatment. I go to UCLA on Wednesday. I'm getting a bit nervous but just trying to stay positive about it all.

Just an update

Shouldn't be to long today just want to give a quick update. Drove down to San Diego today, will be here until Wednesday. I got to do my disability transition class and chat with a bunch of different people. On Wed I go to UCLA for more scans. I'm a bit nervous because I haven't been eating that well and I notice I've been having a bit of pain. I'm really trying to get back on track but having a hard time eating veggies again. I'm at least eating fruit which is better than bread but I steer off my track whenever I feel like it which tends to be everyday. Time to change:) I got to see some friends tonight that I haven't seen in awhile so that was a blessing.

I got in the gym yesterday again. I noticed my legs are starting to gain pretty quick which doesn't surprise me because I've always been a strong squatter and had a machine for a lower body it was the top of me that I had to work at.

BB Complex-

Deadlift, Hang power clean, push press, rack thruster- 1,1,1 rest 4 min b/t sets

+

3 rounds:

7 Ring Push ups (to a dynamax ball)

10 Squat Jumps 25lbs

Surprisingly the thrusters were the hardest thing but it was first time doing them since my surgery in Sep and first time doing a rack thruster. Ring push ups were hard but got through them and squat jumps were fine should of went 45lbs. Well hope all is well everyone.

NEW ME!

Well one thing that sucks about being a cancer patient going through treatments.............you start loosing your hair. With my treatment it's only thinning, not going totally bald(thank goodness) but it was extreme. I've been doing nothing but pulling out gobs and gobs of hair, it was making me sad, so my good friend Brittany chopped it off for me. I'm donating the rest so they can make a wig out of it. At least another cancer patient can have hair too:) I was talking with one of the guys at work today and I explained all the side effects to him and he said "it seems as your body internally is fighting with everything it's got and has given up on your external". Well he's right. Not only is my hair thinning but I have this rash all over and my face is breaking out like I've just hit puberty. Doctor said it will go away after awhile, so for now I just have to do what I can. So here is the new me! The picture on the left was taken about a month ago and the other ones taken today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70&feature=player_embedded

Awesome video! I got this off OPTs' website and it's so inspirational. Go to 2:35 and watch until the end it's a little over 7 minutes but worth your time:)

Just an update

I know I've been updating every couple days just don't have a ton of info right now. I will soon though, life doesn't stay boring forever. I got an appointment for my next set of scans next week and I find out results a week after that. Pretty nervous to know the outcome. I also go down to San Diego next week to set up an appointment with the VA and to do my disability transition class. Big week. I'm also getting my brother to come out here and stay with me until we go back home to FL permanently which will be a couple months but it'll be nice to have him here. He's going through a lot and so am I so we both won't have to be lonely. My brother and I ended up being two totally different people in every aspect of our lives but I think deep down we are the same. My mom made me laugh today when she said "I always said you should of been my boy and Brandon should of been my girl", we were raised and treated a bit different growing up and I'm sure that's why we turned out the way we did but we compliment each other and I think it will be good to live together for a few months.

http://www.mercola.com/article/carbohydrates/paleolithic_diet.htm

Good article for all readers! I would like to apologize in advance to all my CFV friends if I'm not all happy to see you while at the gym. The gym, deep down inside will always be one of my "happy places" but right now it's not. I go in there and just "suck it up" for the time being. It's not fun right now because everything is so hard but my heart makes me one of the biggest fighters there are so I will get through anything. I just wanted to tell all of you in case you wonder why I'm not peppy, huge smiles, or even saying good-bye. I will try my best because God is giving me the opportunity to be there just doing what I am. Oh and I'm officially under 130lbs, going to be a lean machine when I come back:)

WOD:

3 Rounds:

AMRAP DB Shoulder Press 15lb

Deadhang Ring Pull-ups

7- 1 1/4 Front Squats 55lbs

Rest 3min b/t rounds

1-27, 5, rx'd

2-23, 5, rx'd

3-20, 3, rx'd

Real quick, should of went heavier on the DB but thought that was the heaviest I could go. On the pu was shooting for 5 each round but couldn't get it on the last round and only did singles on each one. The 1 1/4 FS were nice and perfect weight. These types of squats work so many more muscles in your body than just a plain FS, awesome movement.

Probably not competing

Well my trial doc just said to not overdue it with training. I honestly don't think I could if I wanted to. At this moment the gym is not fun for me anyways I'm just making myself go because I know even the little I can do will help stimulate my immune system. It's extremely hard, depressing, and I don't even have full range of motion with my body yet because I am still swollen. I can't do kipping pull-ups, KBS, or anything that requires quick overextension of my midline. I had another mental breakdown tonight in the gym. To think I have officially been doing Crossfit for 2 years and it took less than 2 months to be set back worse than when I first came to start. I know, I know, I have cancer and was basically lying on my death bed last month it's just everything happened so quick that I didn't have time to blink before it was all gone. I'm still in shock over all of this, I still have my up and down moments, so to loose externally what I have worked so hard for can be devastating at times. I decided the best way to get through this is to throw away all my old pr's, WODs, and everything that was the old me because it's not me anymore and to start fresh. Everything I do from here on out will be new, like a new member at my gym. I'm going to train myself with having a severe midline internal injury only doing what my body can handle. Mentally I think I can do it, if not I'm going to drive myself crazy every time I walk in the gym and do anything. Like tonight, I walked up to the bar to Deadlift and could barely lift 185! This is 100lbs off my pr people. That's a lot for only a month and a half. Talk about wanting to throw my fist through a door and then rip it off it's hinges. Needless to say I probably won't even be attempting to go to Regionals because you got to be able to compete as Rx'd and right now I don't see that happening. So cheers to my new beginning (take a shot for me)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5abamRO41fE

http://www.youtube.com/user/deftones?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/5/NbjqruCITIU

I decided to post up some different videos today. These are my 2 favorite bands of all time. They have been for about 10 years now odd enough. I thought over the years this would change but I know now it never will. These guys are amazing! It's odd to like both but lyrically there is so much meaning in what they have to say. The things they talk about and the way they word it truly shows they are gifted bands. It would be my dream to see both bands together in concert one day. Cancer made me miss my one and only opportunity so far but I won't give up:)

Here is my WOD:

1 RM DL

+

3 Rounds:

250m Row

20 Weighted Step-ups 10lbs, 20" box

10 Hollow Rocks 2 count

DL-185

Time-didn't time just wanted to complete

:(

Well another beautiful day down. Finally drove out to Simi Valley today to talk to my artist about my next tattoo. Pretty excited, it's going to be beautiful and have a ton of meaning too. I start it in 3 weeks so I'l post up pics once the project begins.

http://www.sacbee.com/273/story/2479870.html

Today was supposed to be another workout day for me but I think I might be swelling again. Not a good thing AT ALL. I have been feeling a bit dehydrated and I've gained a few pounds. Not trying to jump to conclusions but we'll see. I have changed my diet a bit so that could be contributing to the weight gain as well. I woke from a nap and looked at my stomach and could see my ribcage on the left side but not the right so I know it's a bit swollen. Talked to my father about it and he said it could be from working out. We talked about different scenarios and it seems as though it could be one of them so decided to take another day off. I emailed my trial doc and my Naturopath to see what they think. My Naturopath doc emailed me back and said it could be causing my liver to work more but also said other things like what my father and I had discussed. He said there are some more things we can add to my regimen to help my liver so I said whatever we can do let's do it. I know I'm not straining my body at all but maybe just all the tightening and bending could be adding to the swelling. I will know for sure in a couple days:) I just want to feel normal again!

One more day

As always I was blessed by another awesome couple of days. I had a great weekend. Did so much I wore myself out for today. Saturday I actually got up and cooked breakfast and then went and watched the UFC at a friends' house. Sunday I went to church and then went to a friends' for Superbowl. Somehow on both days managed to whip up some quick things to eat as well for people at the parties. Oh and church was perfect too(well almost). I actually had tears for this one. I had some contradiction earlier in the week on somethings that were going on and it was crazy we actually talked about it at service. Answered all my questions. I also decided to go up to the front and pray with one of the pastors. I've been wanting to do this but was always so nervous, I was being pulled to the front for some reason on this day. So I talked with one of the pastors and explained everything to him and we started to pray. I immediately had tears come to my eyes as he spoke and I could feel the energy pouring out of him, it was amazing. Everything he prayed for was exactly what I have been wanting. It was so crazy. After he finished I gave him a big hug and said "thank you" like 50 times. Today, I was so wore out from the weekend I slept most of today. I did make it into the gym though:)

http://www.cathletics.com/wod/video/collectedTraining1-11-10.mov

I love these videos.

I didn't want to make this a super long post but it looks as though it's going to be. I sat and thought this weekend about what would be the best way to get myself back. I'm just going to breakdown and build at a moderate rate. I'm not going to overdue it because it will only hurt me more than help so I'm thinking of slow ways to build as quick as my body will allow. It's all about listening to it now. As I sat and rolled out tonight in the gym I started speaking with one of the other trainers in my gym, Matt. Awesome dude and we have become friends along with a ton of others at CFV. I was talking about how hard everything is for me right now and he told me somethings that have given me new inspiration. He started talking about Lance Armstrong and his battle to live. As everyone knows Lance had cancer as well and was fighting for his life. Lance said he would of never won the Tour De France if he wouldn't of had cancer. I looked at Matt confused. I guess before cancer his upper body was to big. He lost so much weight once he got cancer, had to start ALL over, and even though he said it was hell, he got to build himself to be the athlete he wanted to be. This made a light go off in my head and a smile on my face. It made complete sense and it's exactly what I'm going to do. Thank you Matt! People 95lbs feels heavy to me....even just a squat. Any of you that know me this used to be warm-up weight for me. I too have shriveled up to nothing besides my little round belly (hehe). I now weigh around 130lbs. 6 months ago I was 152lbs. I haven't been this small since I did nothing but bad stuff in high school(sorry can't say, in the military still). I'm going to be able to do the same thing as Lance, build myself to be the athlete I want to be. I'm excited. Well I'll shut up now here is my WOD:

High Bar Back Squat (just enough to strain) 3,3,3

+

"JT"

21, 15, 9

HSPU

Ring Dips

Push-ups

HBBS-45, 80, 95

JT- did all modified with small band and knee pu took around 35 min or so. Wasn't timing just wanted to finish.

Quick

Ok so want to just do a quick post. I did finally make it to the gym today. I was so happy. It was hard but I eventually got through it. I thought about what I could do since it was my first day back....didn't want to overdue it so I just thought about what would I program for someone that was new but looks in descent shape? Plus, I got so mad last night I did 50 squats, 50 knee push-ups, and 50 sit-ups at a slow pace and could already tell I was a bit sore from just that.

http://startingstrength.com/articles/strength_throwers_starr.pdf

WOD:

Split Jerk (focus more on form than weight) 3,3,3

+

A1. OH walking lunge 15lb bar; 10 x 3; rest 90 sec b/t sets

A2. Ring Holds AMRAP x 3; rest 90 sec b/t sets

B1. GHD Sit-ups 2020; 10 x 2; rest 60 sec b/t sets

B2. Hip Extensions 10x0; 10 x 2; rest 60 sec b/t sets

SJ- 45, 65, 95 (actually felt heavy)

A1-rx'd

A2-58sec, 40sec, 36sec

B1-rx'd

B2-rx'd

Good News

Well I'm at work right now and decided to update my blog since there isn't anything fun for me to do. I'm considering going to the gym today because I'm not in a ton of pain, just really sleepy. I'm hoping to just go home and nap and that way I can make it in tonight and if not I'll just do something at my house. I have a whole gym set-up at home I don't know why I don't use it more often.
This is going to be a bit long today so bear with me I'll try to sum it up as best as I can. I went to UCLA yesterday and for the first time got nothing but good news. My doctor hasn't seen me since he put me on the medication and he looked happy to see me as soon as he walked in the door. He interviewed me for side effects and etc on the medication(protocol stuff for the research on the trial don't want to bore you) and then he got into the stuff that I care about. The tumor on my leg has gotten smaller, yes, my liver swelling has gone down, Yes, he can no longer physically feel fluid in my belly(even though he says there is still some there), YEs, and lastly, my bloodwork is starting to look better, YES!!!!!!! 4 different things of good news......is that even possible in my situation, after all the bad news I've been getting? I started crying right in the office thanking the lord for answering everyones' prayers slowly. I just have to pray that the good news only continues. I know why they say one day at a time now, to me, I have so many up and down days I can never tell if I'm getting better or worse but when you got your doctor coming in that hasn't seen you in 3 weeks and he has a smile on his face and he's amazed with my progress. I have some more words of wisdom today after the link of learning(hmm interesting name, HA):

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/whey-isolate-concentrate-hydrolysate/#more-10596

So I started thinking again last night, I have a rare and deadly type of aggressive Melanoma. I started doing some research awhile back on people that have had an agressive type of Melanoma and I haven't found any that have survived yet because it consumes your being so quick that you almost don't have time to react. My survival rate is 4 months from diagnosis. Do you know what that means? I'm supposed to be saying my good-byes this month. The way it was looking the statistics were right too. My liver started failing fast last month and I know my doctors didn't want to say anything to me but I could tell by their reactions yesterday when I went down to start my next cycle of treatment. I thnak God everyday for another beautiful day here and the opportunity to eventually help others when I get better. Life is so short and no one even realizes it. I mean you could walk outside today and have your life taken in an instant and everyone that knew you would say "your life got cut short". I really wish people would realize how important things are in their everyday life and not take it for granted. When you come home in a bad mood and your significant other, your kids, or even your pets try to make you feel better and you act like a stubborn selfish person and shun them away when really you should be relieved and grateful you have poeple like that in your life. Or how about when you got to go home for the "huge" family dinner at Thanksgiving or Christmas and your excited but at the same time you just want it to be over with? Again, thank God you have family and he's given you the blessing to have all of you be able to come together once a year to see and love one another. I'll tell you I miss my family. It's been a year and a half since I've taken a vacation just to see my parents. You kidding? Anyways, I just hope everyone can take a step back and just say thanks for what they have and enjoy it because could you imagine having to be in some serious pain saying goodbye to the people you love this month?

Another Day

Well my stupid liver still hurts so I'm still sitting around being jacked up on Morphine when I'm not at work. I finally started my protocol from my Naturopath doctor yesterday so I should start to feel better soon, hopefully. I also go back to UCLA tomorrow to start cycle 2 of my trial. That means in less than a month I will be getting updated scans. I'm going to be extremely nervous from here on out with my scans because if I get worse they will take me off the meds and there isn't many options for me left. I will not allow this to happen.

http://www.fit4younutrition.com/article29.html

Also talked with my SD doctor and my paperwork has been typed up and I should be getting a call next week about what type of time frames I'm looking at and the process involved with getting down to SD and out of the military. Um I can't think if there is anything else so I'm going to go. Have a good day:)