Snoring Away

Well woke up at like 0330 and can't fall back asleep. I realized going through all of this you can't really get on a schedule. I get tired and I want to sleep, if that's 5pm then I sleep but then end up waking up early. Yesterday was a long day for me and a bit disheartening so even though I was exhausted I only slept for about 5 hrs last night and now I'm awake. Decided to go ahead and update away while my brother snores his little butt off a couple feet away.

We had to leave for SD at like 445 to get down there by 800. The plan was to get down early and finish so we could leave by noon to miss traffic. We did pretty good but it was really rough for me while I was there. Oh just to tell everyone they've had to put me on a permanent pretty high dose of pain meds until I get better. Didn't think I was in so much pain but I notice real quick when I've fallen behind on taking it. Anyways, my doctor and I had all these things we discussed(because it's the only time I can see him so we end up deciding things last minute) and I start not being able to pay attention and sweating like crazy. He examined me and put me on diuretics as well as a standby bottle of extreme stuff to add if it's not working to try and get my uncomfortable swelling down. He told me I'm going to pee a lot but try to not hydrate as much anymore. I look at him like he was crazy. He said "seriously, I know your an athlete and you know how important staying hydrated is but in your situation it's not hydrating you, it's hurting you. bout a liter and a half a day and that's it. Trying ice chips works wonders" How do you go from pretty much 2Gal a day to a liter and a half? I said "so you want my piss to be dark?" He said yes so got to start trying it. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not a happy person when I'm not hydrated hehe but if it'll help the swelling great.

We also talked about doing radiation on this tumor on my leg because it's literally growing by the day. We got it all set up but by this time I realized I was way past due for pain meds. The radiologist wanted to keep me to do a quick Ct scan of my leg to get a depth on treatment so we can start next week. I asked if I could go do chemo first because I know I could get pain meds and I'd be great to stay there for awhile but all he cared about was himself and making things convenient for him. He said it's only 30-45min. Yep I no that, that's about an hour and a half. So I basically told him to piss off. Now I got to call my doc to try and mend the burnt bridge and explain to the other doc why I did what I did.

I've realized only genuine people care about others and I could tell he wasn't one of those people and in my situation right now I've learned to be first. I love to help others anytime I can but when it comes to me starting to be in pain anything close like I was the other night hehe I'll leave it at that.

I really hope I'm starting not to talk to much on my blog, if I go to much into details please let me know I can shorten it so I keep everyone entertained better. Last thing, on top of everything else my doc decides to show my mother my most recent CT scans I got and explain them to her. I was excited because I personally have never seen anything like this they always just read me the results. It was crazy to see how much the cancer has taken over my liver, my lungs were still looking pretty good, but now I have problems elsewhere. My doc also showed how my digestive tract was working and only about half of tract is getting anything in it. Tumors have decided to embed themselves in the fat lining of my tract and my doc also said that the cancer has probably spread elsewhere we just can't see it yet because there aren't enough of them together to show up yet. I wasn't even upset at the moment. I still don't know how to feel about everything probably why I couldn't sleep that well. I've emailed UCLA to see if I had gotten a pelvis scan included when I was there just 3 weeks ago to see if it spread it that amount of time. I think I've just gotten so used to getting bad news that I expect it. My doctor is so positive and he tells me yesterday, "I'm not calling you terminal, I'm not giving up on you and I don't think, by the time I've known you that you are ready to give up either.............are you?" It's pretty amazing to finally have a doctor on your side that thinks that way and actually cares. He will definitely keep the motivation up:)

http://www.eatmoveimprove.com/2010/03/cracking-and-popping-and-clicking-oh-my/

Holy Crap!

I never thought a human being could endure as much pain as I have over the past few days. Being on a daily extreme roller coaster sucks really bad. I can't plan anything, everything has to be spur of the moment. Friday I felt pretty good, was able to do some stuff around the house and make phone calls to people I needed too. Saturday morning I woke up at like 0430 in throbbing bone pain in my lower body. I don't know how to even explain it. My family was getting in at 9:30 that night and I wanted to go and pick them up with my roommate. I doped myself up that day and off we went to the airport. By the time they got in the truck I was in so much pain I had to get into a zone and just concentrate mentally. Told everyone to leave me alone and I did what I could. By the end of the ride we were getting off the highway to go to the ER not home. Had a horrible experience at the hospital that I don't even want to explain but after they gave me a ton of good meds and sent us on our way it was 645 in the morning. Yah like 8 hrs in the "ER".

Since then I've just been staying a bit doped up so I don't have to go thorough pain like that again. I've been sleeping way more than I want to and just trying to walk little steps here and there because my belly is swelling again. Oh and that tumor on my leg has gotten massive! So big it's starting to bother me. I know once I get a few more chemo treatments in me it will start to shrink so for now just trying to deal with it. Tomorrow we head down for my next treatment speaking of which. I'm just ready to start feeling better. I can't stand this anymore. I'm ready for my organs to be operating on a normal basis. Well I'm kind of nodding off so I'll let you guys go and I'll try to update once I get my second dose of "hazardous materials" run through every part of my body.

http://www.paleobrands.com/2010/03/09/vit-d-and-muscle-mass/

First Chemo

Well I'm getting released out of the hospital today! I'm pretty excited considering being trapped in a room all day for the last 3 days. Also, my mom and brother are flying out here to stay with me for awhile...I'm really happy. Having my family here is going to put me in really high spirits and help me to fight this thing off for good.

I got my first chemo treatment yesterday and it wasn't that bad but then again they don't have my on the extreme types of chemo. I start my other one in 2 weeks. We will have to see how that one goes. I was really hot during the treatment and had severe cold sweats last night when I slept. It was the worst I've ever had. I woke up soaked like I had just jumped in a pool. I'm so happy my friend Kaarla had been at the hospital with me because she really helped me out while I was here even though I'm so stubborn when it comes to caring for myself:) Thanks Kaarla. True friends are the best! I'll just keep all of you updated because who knows how I'll feel as the chemo continues. My liver swelling is still constant but the hospital was great about having me on pain meds since I've been here and it feels sooooooooo much better. Especially today. I can walk around without being crippled, I can stand all the way up straight again, and I'm even breathing a bit better too. Hopefully they send me home with some pretty good stuff so this can continue. Also, haven't told my mom yet but we are going to go shopping while she's here. She's going to help me get some scarves and bandanas for my soon to be bald head and a bit of make-up too. It'll be a great and emotional experience for both of us. For those of you that don't know me my mother was diagnosed with a severe case of breast cancer 2 years ago. She went through chemo and lost all her hair. It's still growing back now but she's as beautiful as ever.

One last thing before I end today's post. I know a lot of you kind of know what happened leading up to this but I have new readers and some people are a bit confused by everything so I just wanted to clarify my history so everyone knows:)

This is my 3rd recurrence of Melanoma. I had skin Melanoma on my right leg 4 years ago. It wasn't under the skin yet so I was Stage 1 they just removed a hugh portion of skin and stitched me up. Then last year in Aug I found just a little skin colored lump under my skin on the same leg as before but it was up near my groin area. I had scans done and it was all located in that area(from what they said). I was considered Stage 3a. I went in for surgery and they did a lymph node dissection of my right leg. This consists of removing all your lymph nodes (I had 16) and tissue, they cut my Sartorius muscle off my hip, rerouted over my Femoral artery (there was no more protection for it once everything was gone) and other major veins (one they actually cut a piece out of because it was part of the tissue and no they don't replace it just stitch it up), and attached it to my inguinal ligament (which is the crease where you bend your leg). Pretty major surgery and I lost all sensations off the top of my leg down to my quad even still today. Started rehab and transfered to Cali to finished adjuvant therapy (what you get to try and prevent cancer from coming back) at UCLA. I was enrolled in a trial there and had to get updated scans because they need them to be with in 30 days for it. I my last set in Sep and it was now Nov. UCLA gave me the results of these scans, multiple lesions in the liver and lung with the biggest being 2.8 cm. So they could no longer enroll me because I was not considered disease free anymore. They enrolled me into another trial, that was the one I just got taken off of and now here I am today with chemo. I really hope this clears it all up for everyone. I will be still be posting my links of learning when I don't have so much to post:) Stay tuned and have a happy Thursday. Go eat a really big ice cream today for me!

BIG Update!

Ok finally got a few minutes to talk to everyone. I've been so busy the last couple days that when I got free time I just slept because I'm in so much pain as well. I wanted to let all of you know what has been happening the past few days.

First, I want to remind everyone that I started this blog for all of you. I have repeatedly told people that I post so I don't have to repeat myself 50 times. I already have 2 parents, my chain of command, and doctors that I have to do that with. In the condition I'm in I don't have the energy or breath to talk to everyone, I haven't been feeling well enough to talk and sometimes I like to just be left alone. I'm not saying this to offend anyone by no means because it truly keeps my spirit up to know I have so many people that care but I'm so worried about my treatment right now that I don't have time to talk to the 9 people that have been trying to get ahold of me. Sorry guys!

Alright, as most of you know I went to UCLA yesterday to find out results. I prepared myself for the worse because I could feel the changes in my body and the tumor on my leg was growing. The bad news came. I'm already not responding to the trial at UCLA. My tumors have grown. The doc also said to me "Amanda, you remember when I told you that people will respond but it's only for a period of time?" I said "yah" he went on to say "Well I never thought your time would be so short. You had the shortest response time than anyone else on the trial and you have THE MOST aggressive case of Melanoma I've ever seen". Thanks doc. Let me just remind you that this is a doc that specializes in Melanoma and has been doing it for years. Why am I the lucky one? I've never had the best luck with stuff and have always had to work my butt off for anything and I wasn't expecting this to be any different but it just sucks. We sat and talked and he threw another trial out at me but it just opened this much and they don't know enough about it. I told him I needed time to think and wanted to talk to some other people. I also had to go into dermatology while I was there so they could get a biopsy of the new tissue in the massive tumor on my leg. As I was sitting down with the derm he goes on to tell me that my doctor is actually uncertain what to do about my case. The problem with my case is that with it being so aggressive a week could make a difference so whatever decision we make is probably the only chance we get.

I had one of the girls from work driving me home and I pretty much just sat there in silence the whole way home trying to think about everything and gather my thoughts. It was a huge bummer to find out news like this. I kept thinking "maybe the statistics are right, people diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma are dead within a year, and geez will I even make it to see 25, how did it happen so quick? I just competed in the CF Games less than a year ago and now I'm dying." I've learned that you just get put through trials during life and you got to accept it. By the end of the night I was in excruciating pain. Talk about pain that is crippling people, you take one step and you want to collapse on the floor. Thank God Tony is around. He's been an angel since I started getting worse again. I wanted to go to the ER so bad last night but knew that I am risking my treatments if I did so I sucked it up for something better. I also managed to call my doc down in San Diego as well yesterday so we can discuss my next option. It just so happens I had to come down to SD today for my medical stuff I'm going through to get processed out of the military so we set things up so we could meet.

Tony was able to drive me down because I'm in no condition to drive with all the pain. The doc and I sat down for about an hour and discussed about 3 options and decided on the best one that I needed right now (because my liver is very close to failing again my body can't handle the other 2) Doc went on to say "we can outpatient you and it'll take about a week", I told him "doc how about we inpatient me because I don't think I have time to wait. I already called my chain of command and told them I might be staying down here because of what's going on. They are 100% supportive (they've been amazing too). He did an exam on me, felt my liver and said "wow" "ok""I want to start you right away". So now I got admitted to the hospital so I can be on standby for more scans (they need updated in their system), I'm getting a port installed in my neck, and by tomorrow or Thursday I should be starting my first round of chemo treatment. Yep chemo. Great. We decided on 2 different types of chemo and they have about 70% response rate. It's once a week for awhile. The doc said he hopes this can reverse what's going on a bit so we have time to get me on better treatment. I just want to remind everyone that response rate is not a cure rate people. That's means you can relapse. That's what just happened to me on the trial. Well I think I told you as much as I can for now. I don't want to write a novel and I'm going to try and give you guys daily updates since I'm restricted to a hospital:) plus I go for my Ct scan in about 30 minutes (9:00pm) so want to just relax for a few minutes. We all have to just keep praying. The lord does answer prayers:) Amen

Friday

Well another day down and it's the weekend. I'm pretty nervous for Monday. To find out the results from these scans.......we will know how this treatment is working for me.

I woke up this morning and decided I wanted to cook breakfast. I was tired of boring. I decided to cook pancakes. When I went Paleo, breakfast was the hardest thing to get it to taste good for me. I used to love pancakes, waffles, or french toast and now to replace it with substitutes was almost unacceptable for me. I have done many trial and error since I've started trying to make the perfect paleo pancake. First I started with the main ingredient of almond meal. Disgusting, to dry. I messed around with it a lot, trying to make the batter thinner and thinner so I wouldn't have to use half a bottle of maple syrup to make it taste better. Once it gets thin though you have to cook one pancake, forever, I don't have time for that. Recently I have found a good recipe that is chocolate coconut pancakes. Pretty good and no almond meal. I have found recipes that use a banana as the base and always put it off because it's pretty high in carb but decided to do it this morning and wha la, talk about a delicious pancake. It's the first moist pancake I've had since I switched and you honestly don't even need syrup if you don't want to. I put just a tad of organic strawberry jelly on it and it was awesome! I will give you the recipe just in case you want to try, oh and they cook like regular pancakes (don't take forever):

1 banana

1 egg

1 egg white (whisk stiff)

about 1/2 tsp baking powder

vanilla, cinnamon, salt (however much you want)

butter for pan

Mash banana and mix in egg and egg white. Batter should be a bit lumpy. Add rest of ingredients and mix. Go easy on the butter in the pan. I used just a little and it was almost to much. I like BIG pancakes and this made me 2. It was enough for me. Try to flip it before it gets black even just a little black and they will be perfect. Enjoy!

http://westside-barbell.com/westside-articles/articles2008/SPECIAL_STRENGTH_jan_2008.pdf

Sorry:(

I kind of got a wake up call today from my friend wondering why I'm slacking on my blog. Sorry! It's really hard to keep up with the simplest things when I don't feel well. I just want to lay down all the time. Oh, I know this is totally off the wall but it's something I need to tell you guys about. I've started watching the travel channel a lot lately and love it because of all the different interesting things they show including.........the food:) I was watching this show called "101 Chowdown Countdown" , basically they traveled to 101 different places in the US with the best/odd different types of food. Let me tell you, some really good stuff that I wish I could just travel to all these places to try, but one really caught my attention that I'm tempted to make myself. It's a cheeseburger and the bun is a Krispy Kreme doughnut. No crap, not kidding people and they put the doughnut on the grill with the burger so the juices soak in. Sounds like it would satisfy every craving. Think about a protein style In-n-Out burger with that! I'm so going to do it on my cheat day. HA!

Ok I'll get off the food. So UCLA canceled my appointment I was supposed to have yesterday because they don't have a copy of my baseline scans. Figures. Remember how unorganized they were before, this doesn't surprise me. They had to call SD and get a copy so they have something to compare my new scans to. I go on Monday now along with seeing a derm while I'm there. Then Wed I have to be back in SD for my VA appointment. Another busy week so trying to get rested because I don't want to run myself down again.

I really wish I could be back in the gym again. I really miss the people and the atmosphere. Colin went up to Canada 2 weeks ago to start in the OPT process of getting certified and it looks like OPT once again has done something amazing for the Crossfit community. He is a genius and it looks like he is putting out some real valuable knowledge. So from what I can tell, people if you get a chance, DO IT. Here is Colin's take on it: http://www.CrossfitVentura.com/crossfit_ventura/2010/03/visiting-the-opt.html

I'll post one extra too:

http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/005141.html

WOW it's been to long since I lasted posted sorry. I have been feeling horrible over the last week. I started running a high fever while I was down in San Diego and along with that came vomiting and a need for a lot of rest. That's what I've been doing since I got back. My liver has starting causing me a lot of pain again so I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to get it to go down and trust me it's things you guys don't want to hear about. My Naturopath recommended other things to do that I was just like "are you serious" but now, I'm doing it. My diet has been spot on and I feel great since I got back on track. I also have been eating quite a bit of dairy to keep my weight up so I don't look like a freak:)

I had some of my girlfriends over last night, they cooked me dinner and we all sat and watched movies all night. I had so much fun. Today, I got my roommate to go to church with me and he got to experience what I do every week and he loved it. I knew my pastor was great, I think I even seen some tears come to his eyes too (but don't tell him that). Thank you John and Sarah for introducing me to a great teacher of God, and a church that gives so much love to everyone that walks through the doors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/research/23trial.html?em

This article Rudy happened to stumble upon in Starbucks last week. He asked me if it was the study drug I was on. Well people here it is. The article was posted in the NY Times and is actually a 3 day article. If you would like to read all 3 articles your more than welcome to, you just have to search for the other 2 but one should be enough. They have actually changed the name of it but everyone still knows it by this name. As you can tell by reading it that it does seem like a miracle drug but they are so stuck on where to go now because a lot of people have relapsed after a matter of time and they don't know why. Positive thinking.

Oh, I find out results of scans this week and start my new cycle of treatment. I go to UCLA on Wednesday. I'm getting a bit nervous but just trying to stay positive about it all.

Just an update

Shouldn't be to long today just want to give a quick update. Drove down to San Diego today, will be here until Wednesday. I got to do my disability transition class and chat with a bunch of different people. On Wed I go to UCLA for more scans. I'm a bit nervous because I haven't been eating that well and I notice I've been having a bit of pain. I'm really trying to get back on track but having a hard time eating veggies again. I'm at least eating fruit which is better than bread but I steer off my track whenever I feel like it which tends to be everyday. Time to change:) I got to see some friends tonight that I haven't seen in awhile so that was a blessing.

I got in the gym yesterday again. I noticed my legs are starting to gain pretty quick which doesn't surprise me because I've always been a strong squatter and had a machine for a lower body it was the top of me that I had to work at.

BB Complex-

Deadlift, Hang power clean, push press, rack thruster- 1,1,1 rest 4 min b/t sets

+

3 rounds:

7 Ring Push ups (to a dynamax ball)

10 Squat Jumps 25lbs

Surprisingly the thrusters were the hardest thing but it was first time doing them since my surgery in Sep and first time doing a rack thruster. Ring push ups were hard but got through them and squat jumps were fine should of went 45lbs. Well hope all is well everyone.

NEW ME!

Well one thing that sucks about being a cancer patient going through treatments.............you start loosing your hair. With my treatment it's only thinning, not going totally bald(thank goodness) but it was extreme. I've been doing nothing but pulling out gobs and gobs of hair, it was making me sad, so my good friend Brittany chopped it off for me. I'm donating the rest so they can make a wig out of it. At least another cancer patient can have hair too:) I was talking with one of the guys at work today and I explained all the side effects to him and he said "it seems as your body internally is fighting with everything it's got and has given up on your external". Well he's right. Not only is my hair thinning but I have this rash all over and my face is breaking out like I've just hit puberty. Doctor said it will go away after awhile, so for now I just have to do what I can. So here is the new me! The picture on the left was taken about a month ago and the other ones taken today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70&feature=player_embedded

Awesome video! I got this off OPTs' website and it's so inspirational. Go to 2:35 and watch until the end it's a little over 7 minutes but worth your time:)

Just an update

I know I've been updating every couple days just don't have a ton of info right now. I will soon though, life doesn't stay boring forever. I got an appointment for my next set of scans next week and I find out results a week after that. Pretty nervous to know the outcome. I also go down to San Diego next week to set up an appointment with the VA and to do my disability transition class. Big week. I'm also getting my brother to come out here and stay with me until we go back home to FL permanently which will be a couple months but it'll be nice to have him here. He's going through a lot and so am I so we both won't have to be lonely. My brother and I ended up being two totally different people in every aspect of our lives but I think deep down we are the same. My mom made me laugh today when she said "I always said you should of been my boy and Brandon should of been my girl", we were raised and treated a bit different growing up and I'm sure that's why we turned out the way we did but we compliment each other and I think it will be good to live together for a few months.

http://www.mercola.com/article/carbohydrates/paleolithic_diet.htm

Good article for all readers! I would like to apologize in advance to all my CFV friends if I'm not all happy to see you while at the gym. The gym, deep down inside will always be one of my "happy places" but right now it's not. I go in there and just "suck it up" for the time being. It's not fun right now because everything is so hard but my heart makes me one of the biggest fighters there are so I will get through anything. I just wanted to tell all of you in case you wonder why I'm not peppy, huge smiles, or even saying good-bye. I will try my best because God is giving me the opportunity to be there just doing what I am. Oh and I'm officially under 130lbs, going to be a lean machine when I come back:)

WOD:

3 Rounds:

AMRAP DB Shoulder Press 15lb

Deadhang Ring Pull-ups

7- 1 1/4 Front Squats 55lbs

Rest 3min b/t rounds

1-27, 5, rx'd

2-23, 5, rx'd

3-20, 3, rx'd

Real quick, should of went heavier on the DB but thought that was the heaviest I could go. On the pu was shooting for 5 each round but couldn't get it on the last round and only did singles on each one. The 1 1/4 FS were nice and perfect weight. These types of squats work so many more muscles in your body than just a plain FS, awesome movement.

Probably not competing

Well my trial doc just said to not overdue it with training. I honestly don't think I could if I wanted to. At this moment the gym is not fun for me anyways I'm just making myself go because I know even the little I can do will help stimulate my immune system. It's extremely hard, depressing, and I don't even have full range of motion with my body yet because I am still swollen. I can't do kipping pull-ups, KBS, or anything that requires quick overextension of my midline. I had another mental breakdown tonight in the gym. To think I have officially been doing Crossfit for 2 years and it took less than 2 months to be set back worse than when I first came to start. I know, I know, I have cancer and was basically lying on my death bed last month it's just everything happened so quick that I didn't have time to blink before it was all gone. I'm still in shock over all of this, I still have my up and down moments, so to loose externally what I have worked so hard for can be devastating at times. I decided the best way to get through this is to throw away all my old pr's, WODs, and everything that was the old me because it's not me anymore and to start fresh. Everything I do from here on out will be new, like a new member at my gym. I'm going to train myself with having a severe midline internal injury only doing what my body can handle. Mentally I think I can do it, if not I'm going to drive myself crazy every time I walk in the gym and do anything. Like tonight, I walked up to the bar to Deadlift and could barely lift 185! This is 100lbs off my pr people. That's a lot for only a month and a half. Talk about wanting to throw my fist through a door and then rip it off it's hinges. Needless to say I probably won't even be attempting to go to Regionals because you got to be able to compete as Rx'd and right now I don't see that happening. So cheers to my new beginning (take a shot for me)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5abamRO41fE

http://www.youtube.com/user/deftones?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/5/NbjqruCITIU

I decided to post up some different videos today. These are my 2 favorite bands of all time. They have been for about 10 years now odd enough. I thought over the years this would change but I know now it never will. These guys are amazing! It's odd to like both but lyrically there is so much meaning in what they have to say. The things they talk about and the way they word it truly shows they are gifted bands. It would be my dream to see both bands together in concert one day. Cancer made me miss my one and only opportunity so far but I won't give up:)

Here is my WOD:

1 RM DL

+

3 Rounds:

250m Row

20 Weighted Step-ups 10lbs, 20" box

10 Hollow Rocks 2 count

DL-185

Time-didn't time just wanted to complete

:(

Well another beautiful day down. Finally drove out to Simi Valley today to talk to my artist about my next tattoo. Pretty excited, it's going to be beautiful and have a ton of meaning too. I start it in 3 weeks so I'l post up pics once the project begins.

http://www.sacbee.com/273/story/2479870.html

Today was supposed to be another workout day for me but I think I might be swelling again. Not a good thing AT ALL. I have been feeling a bit dehydrated and I've gained a few pounds. Not trying to jump to conclusions but we'll see. I have changed my diet a bit so that could be contributing to the weight gain as well. I woke from a nap and looked at my stomach and could see my ribcage on the left side but not the right so I know it's a bit swollen. Talked to my father about it and he said it could be from working out. We talked about different scenarios and it seems as though it could be one of them so decided to take another day off. I emailed my trial doc and my Naturopath to see what they think. My Naturopath doc emailed me back and said it could be causing my liver to work more but also said other things like what my father and I had discussed. He said there are some more things we can add to my regimen to help my liver so I said whatever we can do let's do it. I know I'm not straining my body at all but maybe just all the tightening and bending could be adding to the swelling. I will know for sure in a couple days:) I just want to feel normal again!

One more day

As always I was blessed by another awesome couple of days. I had a great weekend. Did so much I wore myself out for today. Saturday I actually got up and cooked breakfast and then went and watched the UFC at a friends' house. Sunday I went to church and then went to a friends' for Superbowl. Somehow on both days managed to whip up some quick things to eat as well for people at the parties. Oh and church was perfect too(well almost). I actually had tears for this one. I had some contradiction earlier in the week on somethings that were going on and it was crazy we actually talked about it at service. Answered all my questions. I also decided to go up to the front and pray with one of the pastors. I've been wanting to do this but was always so nervous, I was being pulled to the front for some reason on this day. So I talked with one of the pastors and explained everything to him and we started to pray. I immediately had tears come to my eyes as he spoke and I could feel the energy pouring out of him, it was amazing. Everything he prayed for was exactly what I have been wanting. It was so crazy. After he finished I gave him a big hug and said "thank you" like 50 times. Today, I was so wore out from the weekend I slept most of today. I did make it into the gym though:)

http://www.cathletics.com/wod/video/collectedTraining1-11-10.mov

I love these videos.

I didn't want to make this a super long post but it looks as though it's going to be. I sat and thought this weekend about what would be the best way to get myself back. I'm just going to breakdown and build at a moderate rate. I'm not going to overdue it because it will only hurt me more than help so I'm thinking of slow ways to build as quick as my body will allow. It's all about listening to it now. As I sat and rolled out tonight in the gym I started speaking with one of the other trainers in my gym, Matt. Awesome dude and we have become friends along with a ton of others at CFV. I was talking about how hard everything is for me right now and he told me somethings that have given me new inspiration. He started talking about Lance Armstrong and his battle to live. As everyone knows Lance had cancer as well and was fighting for his life. Lance said he would of never won the Tour De France if he wouldn't of had cancer. I looked at Matt confused. I guess before cancer his upper body was to big. He lost so much weight once he got cancer, had to start ALL over, and even though he said it was hell, he got to build himself to be the athlete he wanted to be. This made a light go off in my head and a smile on my face. It made complete sense and it's exactly what I'm going to do. Thank you Matt! People 95lbs feels heavy to me....even just a squat. Any of you that know me this used to be warm-up weight for me. I too have shriveled up to nothing besides my little round belly (hehe). I now weigh around 130lbs. 6 months ago I was 152lbs. I haven't been this small since I did nothing but bad stuff in high school(sorry can't say, in the military still). I'm going to be able to do the same thing as Lance, build myself to be the athlete I want to be. I'm excited. Well I'll shut up now here is my WOD:

High Bar Back Squat (just enough to strain) 3,3,3

+

"JT"

21, 15, 9

HSPU

Ring Dips

Push-ups

HBBS-45, 80, 95

JT- did all modified with small band and knee pu took around 35 min or so. Wasn't timing just wanted to finish.

Quick

Ok so want to just do a quick post. I did finally make it to the gym today. I was so happy. It was hard but I eventually got through it. I thought about what I could do since it was my first day back....didn't want to overdue it so I just thought about what would I program for someone that was new but looks in descent shape? Plus, I got so mad last night I did 50 squats, 50 knee push-ups, and 50 sit-ups at a slow pace and could already tell I was a bit sore from just that.

http://startingstrength.com/articles/strength_throwers_starr.pdf

WOD:

Split Jerk (focus more on form than weight) 3,3,3

+

A1. OH walking lunge 15lb bar; 10 x 3; rest 90 sec b/t sets

A2. Ring Holds AMRAP x 3; rest 90 sec b/t sets

B1. GHD Sit-ups 2020; 10 x 2; rest 60 sec b/t sets

B2. Hip Extensions 10x0; 10 x 2; rest 60 sec b/t sets

SJ- 45, 65, 95 (actually felt heavy)

A1-rx'd

A2-58sec, 40sec, 36sec

B1-rx'd

B2-rx'd

Good News

Well I'm at work right now and decided to update my blog since there isn't anything fun for me to do. I'm considering going to the gym today because I'm not in a ton of pain, just really sleepy. I'm hoping to just go home and nap and that way I can make it in tonight and if not I'll just do something at my house. I have a whole gym set-up at home I don't know why I don't use it more often.
This is going to be a bit long today so bear with me I'll try to sum it up as best as I can. I went to UCLA yesterday and for the first time got nothing but good news. My doctor hasn't seen me since he put me on the medication and he looked happy to see me as soon as he walked in the door. He interviewed me for side effects and etc on the medication(protocol stuff for the research on the trial don't want to bore you) and then he got into the stuff that I care about. The tumor on my leg has gotten smaller, yes, my liver swelling has gone down, Yes, he can no longer physically feel fluid in my belly(even though he says there is still some there), YEs, and lastly, my bloodwork is starting to look better, YES!!!!!!! 4 different things of good news......is that even possible in my situation, after all the bad news I've been getting? I started crying right in the office thanking the lord for answering everyones' prayers slowly. I just have to pray that the good news only continues. I know why they say one day at a time now, to me, I have so many up and down days I can never tell if I'm getting better or worse but when you got your doctor coming in that hasn't seen you in 3 weeks and he has a smile on his face and he's amazed with my progress. I have some more words of wisdom today after the link of learning(hmm interesting name, HA):

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/whey-isolate-concentrate-hydrolysate/#more-10596

So I started thinking again last night, I have a rare and deadly type of aggressive Melanoma. I started doing some research awhile back on people that have had an agressive type of Melanoma and I haven't found any that have survived yet because it consumes your being so quick that you almost don't have time to react. My survival rate is 4 months from diagnosis. Do you know what that means? I'm supposed to be saying my good-byes this month. The way it was looking the statistics were right too. My liver started failing fast last month and I know my doctors didn't want to say anything to me but I could tell by their reactions yesterday when I went down to start my next cycle of treatment. I thnak God everyday for another beautiful day here and the opportunity to eventually help others when I get better. Life is so short and no one even realizes it. I mean you could walk outside today and have your life taken in an instant and everyone that knew you would say "your life got cut short". I really wish people would realize how important things are in their everyday life and not take it for granted. When you come home in a bad mood and your significant other, your kids, or even your pets try to make you feel better and you act like a stubborn selfish person and shun them away when really you should be relieved and grateful you have poeple like that in your life. Or how about when you got to go home for the "huge" family dinner at Thanksgiving or Christmas and your excited but at the same time you just want it to be over with? Again, thank God you have family and he's given you the blessing to have all of you be able to come together once a year to see and love one another. I'll tell you I miss my family. It's been a year and a half since I've taken a vacation just to see my parents. You kidding? Anyways, I just hope everyone can take a step back and just say thanks for what they have and enjoy it because could you imagine having to be in some serious pain saying goodbye to the people you love this month?

Another Day

Well my stupid liver still hurts so I'm still sitting around being jacked up on Morphine when I'm not at work. I finally started my protocol from my Naturopath doctor yesterday so I should start to feel better soon, hopefully. I also go back to UCLA tomorrow to start cycle 2 of my trial. That means in less than a month I will be getting updated scans. I'm going to be extremely nervous from here on out with my scans because if I get worse they will take me off the meds and there isn't many options for me left. I will not allow this to happen.

http://www.fit4younutrition.com/article29.html

Also talked with my SD doctor and my paperwork has been typed up and I should be getting a call next week about what type of time frames I'm looking at and the process involved with getting down to SD and out of the military. Um I can't think if there is anything else so I'm going to go. Have a good day:)

A week!

Man I can't believe it's been a week since I posted. A lot has happened so I'll try to sum most of it up. First, driving back and forth everyday to UCLA and not being able to sleep in really sucks, especially on the weekends. Well beginning of the week I was in the hospital for the final portion of testing. It sucked of course but tried to make the best of it. My side effects have calmed down and I have started to feel better. This is awesome news for me of course because I get really tired of laying around ALL the time. I miss me. Got out Wednesday and they sent me home with a prescription of Morphine. Really? Geez. I hate pain meds especially the ones that make me high as a kite. I didn't need them though until this weekend. Other than all of this I made confirmation with work and my doctor about getting out so the process has officially started. No turning back. I'm excited for the new chapter that is going to begin in my life soon. This is my calling, this is where I start to make positive changes in everyone's life that I can. I will get better and I'm going to help others anyway I can:)

http://www.CrossfitVentura.com/crossfit_ventura/2010/01/new-video-cfv-affiliate-team-challenge.html#comments

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/26/athlete.brains/index.html

http://www.sweetsurprise.com/

Well the first one is a video from the affiliate challenge we had a couple weekends go. I heard it was awesome. Wished I could of went. Faith you did an awesome job and I love the slow down of the guy that was "to sexy". Classic. Oh and Ben, wholly crap you sound amazing! I didn't know we had someone in the gym that could belt out like that. The second is an article. Just an interesting read. Sucks people go through this that type of stuff for a sport they love. You would think people would reconsider but they don't until they are actually going through all the pain. I wonder if the money is that good? The last website talks about high fructose corn syrup, if you get bored you can search around.

Anyways, I've been feeling so good I decided I was going to go to the gym Saturday morning but once I woke up my liver was in excruciating pain. It was making a bubbly feeling every time I breathe in and out and it hurt....BAD. I couldn't stretch all the way up. Needless to say I had to pop a Morphine at like 7 in the morning as my friend drove me to UCLA. It helped but I was sleepy all day and it felt like someone had punched the crap out of my liver and it was just crazy sore all day. It happened again today but I tried to hold out on the pain meds thinking it would go away....nope it didn't. Now this is really going to drive me crazy. I'm well enough and feel good enough to go and do something I love and I can't because my liver hurts. I hope it's my tumors dying because I'll gladly go through this pain knowing that. It's been over a month since I was consistent in the gym and I miss it and the people so my goal is to get back when the pain goes away. Tomorrow I go back to work again:( not happy. I'm going to drop another leave chit for a couple weeks so I can stay home. I'm done coming in just to sit there.....pointless.

Energy

It's amazing how much energy I have when I'm not at work.......that's got to be telling me something. Well I officially decided yesterday that I'm going to have them medically retire me from the military. I'm going to go home and be with my family. I got tons of options but just doing things one day at a time. I still got to tell my chain of command and talk to the doc about it. I get re-admitted to UCLA hospital tomorrow night so I'm going to have a bit of free time on my hands to handle things next week.

http://www.eatmoveimprove.com/2010/01/on-muscle-strains/

Another good read by Steven. He never ceases to amaze me.

I got some news last night that made me a bit upset but it was the last bit of salt to get thrown on the wound so I will do nothing but heal from here on out so I'm pretty excited.

I also decided to go to the gym today. I had to do something. My belly is still a bit swollen which means my liver function is still down so I know I'm crazy for even going but for those of you that know me...that's me. Got to be crazy to do what I do:) I almost had a breakdown. I know I'm going to have to start all over once I'm finally better and it's not easy but it's still hard to swallow. It's the mental breakdown of an athlete. I know everyone goes through it when a huge event occurs in their life...mine just happens to be a bit more serious than an injury....Stage 4 cancer. It's the biggest and hardest hurdle I will ever have to jump but once I jump it and I'm on the other side, so many great things will come out of me! Back to the gym, it was emotionally so hard to know I'm only performing at about 50%-60%, mentally hard to push through something that you know you are better at but physically your body isn't that strong anymore, and physically it just sucked. I know everyday it will get easier and I will be that much closer to getting back to normal again. After that went to breakfast and pigged out with the roomie!

Just did some cleans up to #105

2K row slow-9:29

Friday!

First thing.......be HAPPY! It's Friday and we all made it to another beautiful weekend. It was hard for me but I know if I can do it all of you can too.

I decided to wait just a few days before I posted again because I wrote such a long post last time, got to give everyone time to read it along with everything else you do in your busy life. I actually had some other people post my last blog up on their sites (thank you so much) and this means a lot to me. All I have wanted, since I've started my blog is for people to learn from it.....that's it. To know more and more people are reading it makes me feel great to know I'm just making a bit of difference in your life. I'm not judgmental, very open minded, and have a lot of info to pass on. Anything I say, if I offend you, I'm sorry that's not my intention at all. I'm just here to help others step outside their box maybe even for the first time and take a chance. Most of you are crossfitters and do the unknown everyday and you train for the unknowable so you shouldn't be afraid to do it with other things even if they are mental:)

http://loumarsdrums.com/worldrecord/index.html

These videos are quite long but I talked with Robb awhile ago and he told us they were training this guy to break the world record for non-stop drumming so I wanted to post the outcome. He needed to go 120hrs and only made it 108 but still an amazing feat all the same. He talks about the aftermath and how the training helped with all of it. Congrats to Robb and Nicki, they did a good thing helping him.

Well today I feel the worst that I have yet since I've been on the trial meds. I think all the side effects decided to kick in today and man does it hurt. Light sensitivity, migraine, nausea and the list goes on so I won't be talking to much because the computer screen hurts too. Hope all of you are well and have a great weekend!

Taking to long

Meant to write yesterday but was pretty tired. I started back at work yesterday again and it takes so much out of me just to sit there. Guess I'm not keeping all of you interested if I can't update all the time. I wanted to go to the gym today because I've been feeling a bit better but need to hold it off until tomorrow to see how I feel.

I want to talk about something a bit different today besides my cancer. You probably guessed it already....Crossfit:) I do want to talk a little bit different about the subject though.

I started Crossfit about 2 years ago and I have learned SO much since then. I've become a new person because of it mostly for the better but some not too. As a coach, I've trained myself as well as earned certifications through Crossfit that has all taught me a lot. Since I haven't been able to physically and mentally work out I've noticed a ton of things that I didn't notice before. People get a new type of drive from the competitive world of Crossfit that to often puts blinders on to the rest of the world. They let it take over, control, and run their life. This is a horrible thing that I have seen happen not only to myself but close friends as well as coaches.

I decided to take my shot at training to go to the 2009 CF Games. I didn't understand the type of dedication it would take until later on. I started training hard in Jan and even harder come Feb when I no longer had a coach. I was a baby when it came to coaching and didn't even realize it. Doing trial and error in training with my friend Rudy, owner of CFAlexandria. I trained at 3 different gyms learning different styles of coaching, programming, and trying to become a better athlete myself. I read probably almost every article in the journal I could get my hand on that would help with anything. Subscribed to the performance menu and bought books from the famous Rip and Greg Everett. By May I was overtraining and all I ever thought about was Crossfit. It was like a disease. Any break I got in school I was on the computer looking at different WODs or texting Rudy on something to do with CF. Needless to say I got stomped when I went to the Games. I soon realized I had to give up the food in life that I had always loved in order to become "Elite", bread, pasta, cheese, milk, legumes, less fruit, and less sugar. I noticed I started having to spend more and more money on quality of life and CF stuff and never had anything left over to just go and "have a good time" or take a "mini vacation" without racking it on my credit cards. It's disgusting and exhausting but I did become what I dreamed of in a matter of 2 months. I lost 14lbs, 4% bf, became faster, stronger, and smarter. I was elite. I started blowing people out of the water and it made me feel good. No one really got to witness it besides Rudy and no one probably ever will because I don't ever want anything to ever consume my life like that again.

You can become very burnt out quick as an athlete and a coach if you allow this to happen. Crossfit becomes an addiction, no longer fun. It's almost like it becomes a chore to come into the gym everyday doing 1-4 WODs a day(yes I trained this much leading to the Games) and training your clients as well. Training for the Games is very taxing. I made it to the Games as a single competitor, my next goal is to go with a team just to say I did it. I know I'm not the only person that feels this way I just heard Tanya Wagner talk about it as well.

I want to live life again, save money, go on vacations and to just have fun doing and coaching Crossfit again. I want to eat what I want of course still staying within my standards. I'm not putting down CF either by no means and I don't want people to get a negative from this either because it did change my life for the better, forever. I know what it means to eat right and be the top 99% of being in the best shape of my life. As a coach, I've become very wise and really know how to get the most out of people performance wise. I know how to "push your buttons" as they would say and I still take the time to explain to you the why or how so you understand as well, oh and I know how to keep it fun.

If you want to train for

I hope you can take away some good info from this and even though for most of us that CF is your sport.....just don't make it your life. If you want to train for the Games do it. To be able to go is an honor and everyone should have the opportunity just don't let it consume everything you are and if it does happen to consume you, don't pass judgement on others because they eat different, aren't as fast or strong as you, or as smart as you because you aren't the best and you will eventually get stomped just as I did:) Enjoy the outside, your family, friends, money, and have fun because life is to short to have it consumed by one thing. I hope everyone has a good day, love you all!

Just want to say HI!

So this picture was taken only a day after I stated the study medication. It looks like the cancer is being eaten away. YES! DIE CANCER! Today it looks even worse, the skin has come off the top. This thing is disgusting! I really wish I could cut this thing off. I can't stand looking at it anymore. Overall I feel pretty good though. My breathing is a tiny bit better and my appetite is like a cavewoman right now. I'm so excited to be hungry and dying of thirst again. I'm eating more and actually tolerating it better than I have been. Belly is still big and prego but everything else seems to be a positive sign.

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSSYD5761320080815

Ha! Soon I'll be back in the gym.

Yay!

I don't quite know why I'm happy today but maybe because I started my study drug yesterday and I have high hopes for it making me feel better for awhile at least. I found out my belly was swelling because my liver is failing. It's quite painful when the doctors don't want to do anything for it. I just lay in bed all the time. I'm just waiting until these meds kick in so it helps. Decided to post up some pictures on what it looks like. Most people just say "hey Amanda now you look like me" but for those of you that know me.......this is about double in size and trust me it is. It's an extra 8 lbs and it hurts. Well mom here is the closest you'll get to me being pregnant...hehe. That's what I would look like, no thanks.

http://www.eatmoveimprove.com/2009/12/a-primer-on-plyometrics/

My doctor reassured me that this drug is only a temporary fix and it's only a matter of time before it doesn't work anymore. I talked with my father for awhile yesterday and my doctor and I think I'm going to start the process to get myself medically retired. I still have to talk to a few people about benefits side to see if it's the absolute best option but overall I think it will be the decision. I haven't told my chain of command yet and I'm not until I make my final decision, so those of you that read this and know my chain of command do not open your mouth because this is not final yet, thank you. I have to say that because it seems I've already had a problem with people going behind my back and doing things that I don't approve of because you didn't talk to me first. If I do decide this, my doc says it can take 6 months so I'll still be here for awhile. It's just kind of hard to justify staying away from family to be at work when I started dying last week. I know my work is like family but they can't fully wrap their head around what's going on. I mean, still expecting me to be at work? Really?! I'm having to take leave just because I can't be there because of what I'm going through.

I know I'm blabbing, sorry, just wanted to give a good update. I don't go back to UCLA until next Sun. I get readmitted then for another 3 1/2 days and then off to hopefully a normal life:)

No more counting

My New Years' kisses! Thanks guys, I love you lots! I don't know where I'd be without all your support.

Also, Happy B-day sis! She turns 12 today.......I can't wait to see you.
I decided to stop counting days until I reach my goal for my diet because it has been stretched out until Feb 1 because the trial limits what I can eat too. One of those things is chocolate. My cheat was going to be a lot of chocolate. I figured I would just stop counting so it will come faster. Well everyone, I've officially started my downhill "temporary" slump. On Monday, I started having some pain in my abdomen where my liver is all the time. I have a hard time getting to sleep and I can no longer sleep on my right side or my back. I'm constantly tired, barely making it 5+ hours without an extreme nap needed. A couple days ago my abdomen got really swollen. It's so swollen it's pushing my belly button out, I can't fully stretch up, and I definitely can't tighten it to do any type of WODs. I talked to my doc about draining the fluid but he said it causes scarring and possible digestive problems and he don't want to do that since I'm being put on the study drug in 3 days. They've offered me pain pills but of course I refuse because I hate the way it makes me feel. I hope everyone keeps praying because I need it. I've talked with Robb and Colin about my nutrition and training and I think I'm going to have to make adjustment because I don't have the strength to keep up with the constant contact. I attempted to WOD today just to get something in but I think that is coming to a stop as well until my swelling goes down.

http://startingstrength.com/articles/active_hip_2_rippetoe.pdf

Here is what I did today and it was actually just the remainder from the front squats I did on Mon:

A1. Weighted Bar Dips 40x1; 4-6 x 3 rest 20 sec b/t sets

A2. Strict Toe to Bar 12 x 3; rest 2 minutes b/t sets

+

For time:

400m Run

25 KBS 53lbs

250m Row

A1. Just BW

A2. Rx

WOD- used 35lb KB; 5:44

Fatigue-9

Stress-2

Leg-1

BW-141.2

HR-didn't take

48/52

So I see 48 out of 52 days means I'm almost done with my personal goal for my diet. But since I have prohibited foods for the first 25 days of the trial (and chocolate is included in that) I will be extending it out further. Which is upsetting but can only help me in the long run. My cheat is going to be AWESOME and it includes a lot of chocolate! I want to apologize for not keeping this up the past couple days but Monday I came down with a 102 fever and it went down but has made everyday life very difficult for me. I was supposed to WOD on Monday but with a fever like that it wasn't happening. On Tuesday I attempted, but only got through the squats and the rest I was extremely sore so did a lot of ball rolling (it hurt bad) and then yesterday was running around getting all my stuff ready for the hospital. Yes ladies and gentleman, I'm finally here. I got admitted last night to start the trial and it a huge stress off my chest. The ball is rolling and no one's mess up can stop it because there is a timeline for EVERYTHING! I get out tomorrow I think so hopefully I can make up my gym days and still stay on my schedule(don't worry Colin I don't let anyone down especially when it comes to being a fighter) I'm still working too so it makes me sleepy early. Being in the hospital now though I'm catching all of you up to speed:)

http://www.cathletics.com/recipes/index.php?action=recipe&recipeID=53

http://winningedgesportspsychology.com/Gaining_a_Mental_Edge_pt2.php

http://robbwolf.com/?p=1138

All good stuff today, first is a recipe, second is a really good article on intensity ad mentality before WODs, and the third is just another sad day for the CF world. I wonder why all the good people end up leaving early. I wish more good people were here to make the world a better place and rid of all the scum bags.

Hopefully I'm not to crazy on this, they fed me a bunch of crap a couple hours ago and I've been quite loopy and sluggish too so if I miss words or things just might not make sense just try to figure out what I'm saying. Ok the only working out I've done was Tuesday and it was:

Front Squat 5,5,5 rest 180sec b/t sets

115,135,145

I was still running a fever and not feeling well so this was the best I could put up and I feel it was good numbers. I had more strength and a short metcon left on this day but hoping to make this up real soon especially sense I'm not sore anymore. Thanks Colin as always! Have a great day everyone!

44/52

Man I'm tired. I didn't think sleeping on an uncomfortable couch would make me this sleepy. It never has before. I'm hoping to catch up on some sleep in the next few days because if I start the trial Wed I know I won't be getting any sleep then. Not to much to say today.

http://fit4younutrition.com/article24.html

Here is my WOD:

Hang Power Clean 5,5,5 rest 180sec b/t sets
+
Team Angie (one partner holds plank while the other works)
100 Pull-ups
100 Push-ups
100 Sit-ups
100 Squats

105,120,135
Time-15:37

On the HPC I should of went heavier, had another 10lbs or so in me but was good for the crap I ate yesterday. The team WOD was fun. My partner and I gamed it quite well and it felt like we flew through the workout. I'll tell you though, trying to do push-ups after holding a plank position sucks. Thanks Shelly:)

Fatigue-7
Stress-5
Leg-1
BW-no scale
HR-48

43/52

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know I didn't post yesterday, kind of had a meltdown. I woke up yesterday morning and put in a load of laundry and dishes and 20 minutes later I had a grey water explosion in my house and mostly my bathroom. Needless to say a day down, the plumber came out today along with the carpet (yes it flooded my room as well) people, and my massive cleaning skills it's almost all better. The carpet people can't finish until Tuesday so I'm stuck sleeping at a friends' house right now because I don't want to be breathing all that crap in. I think tomorrow I will go home to sleep on the couch. Anyways, I took 2 rest days because I wanted to get all that crap taken care of. I went to a Rose bowl party yesterday(had a blast!) and I also ruined my diet yesterday. Yep I did. I was stressed beyond my limit yesterday and had to vent with unhealthy food. I ate a cupcake and 3 tacos with the shells. To most of you no big deal but for me that was a big no no. Can't wait to see what Robb says about this one. Well I wish everyone the best and I'm off to have a good night with friends. Oh and UFC is on tonight people......go watch it and have drinks for me! NOW! GO!